One day everyone will see you for the cunt you really are!! I blame you for this! For all of this! For making me question myself on every aspect of my life! For making me bracket myself alongside your shitty mistakes! For isolating myself and tearing apart everyone I love and care about! I might not be the best mum in the world, I might not be the best girlfriend or friend. But I CARE!!
That’s the biggest difference between you and me! I care about the people close to me! I genuinely have love and respect for others. I might not love myself (in fact I have so much hatred and anger inside me it’s scary), but all that matters to me is the people I love. I would do anything for them. I’ve spent my whole life being terrified of being like you, of turning into you, but I’ve finally realised that’ll never happen!
I'm a stronger, bigger, badder BITCH than you ever were or ever will be!! And it's that, that will get me through this and get me the things I deserve out of life. And when I do, I'll be sure to give you the biggest middle finger! I don’t give up at the first hurdle and spend my life not giving a shit about failing! Failing is not an option to me!! I hate you with a passion and want nothing to do with you ever again. I don't care anymore, I don't need or want your answers! I don’t want or need your approval! You’re dead to me!
^^^^ Soooo … that’s what I wrote earlier after getting myself all worked up. And while I’d love to feel like that, I’d give anything to feel like that, I can’t right now! There’s that little girl inside me who’s crying out for some answers and some sign that she’s not a complete waste of space and isn’t worth a moment of your time. I will get to feel strong and not give a shit about you, but, as usual, I'll stay strong for years on end, then crack again and go through this whole charade again. Until it’s dealt with for good, there’s not going to be a break out from this circle. It’s just gonna keep coming back to haunt me. And that’s not good. But it can't be dealt with while you chose to blank me from your life.
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